Rat Arrives Today
by Nauro
Summary: Needs very heavy revision: I wish I could have died. Died, rather than betray my friends, as they would have done for me. Perhaps it would have been worth it. Perhaps it would not hurt as much. I still do not think I would decide otherwise, but I'm sorry. Yours, Mr. Wormtail.
1. Meet The Rat

**Disclamer:** All your base are belong to Rowling.

* * *

><p><em><em><strong><strong><em><strong>~~(_^7 <em><strong>~~(_^7<strong>_**_****_ _

_A rat was scurrying around in the corner. The smell of old damp hay was everywhere, causing his whiskers to twitch with displeasure time and time again. There was no food to be found and his last meal, a few crumps of bread and a tiny bite of meat, was not enough for today. He had to eat more, but it was too dangerous. He was too scared for his life. His worthless life._

_** **_**~~(_^7 _**~~(_^7**_**_**  
><strong>_

My life was the thing I treasured more than many other things. Perhaps that was just the way my brain ticked; perhaps it was just a reflex. Living was all I was good at and live I did. Perhaps my mother was to blame, with all her muggle diseases and troubles. My father was not a cheerful man, hardly ever talking and never smiling. He loved my mother, at least once, and he did kind of love me too. When my mother died, there were no more smiles in the house. We even left her world. Meaning I lost most of my friends. There weren't many, but even those few counted. I had nobody to play with. I lost all the people who showed me affection. But I lived on. I always did.

My father had me take etiquette lessons for purebloods. When I think about them now, I feel that he was harbouring an illusion, that a nine year old boy will find himself a pureblood mate and stick with her for his life. Needless to say - I didn't. I was eight, and why would he expect something from me already, was the question I never got an answer to. In hindsight, he probably thought to save me from his fate – associating with muggles meant you had to watch them get sick, old and die in pain, as your lips are salty from tears and untold healing spells that work only for wizards.

I did gain something from this, though. He was not a friend in full, but he was a valued acquaintance. He was outgoing and I was shy, he was smiling when I never did. He was excelling at the class, when I was just there and listened. He almost thought me to laugh again, like I did when mother was with me. He told me that she would always be with me if I remembered her. I almost believed him.

And one day I went to the lessons with half a smile. I believed myself that day. I wanted to tell him that I wanted to be his friend. That I was grateful for his kind words. And instead of finding him there, I found his father. A high, upstanding man, I had seen him exactly once before and his image burned into my brain as a prime example of a pureblooded aristocrat. He wasn't, but he was a good and strong man according to my friend. I did call him that in my mind that day, "my friend's father". And my friend's father looked like he was dying, his eyes bloody red from staying awake, his hands shaking, and I almost didn't recognise him at first. Still, being a child, and probably braver than I should have been, I walked up to him and asked a simple question. I never thought, that "Mr. Lupin is your son coming today?" could make him stagger as if he was hit with a hammer. He regained his composure minutes later and explained to the staring handful of children and our witch professor that he and his family were dropping out of the lessons due to the need to visit relatives in France, and that we shouldn't expect to see him or his son anytime soon. And so I had lost a friend I did not have.

_****_**~~(_^7 _**~~(_^7**_**_****_

_There were silent steps nearby but the rat woke up, and was ready to dart at any second. No danger came, and he tied settling down and sleeping, but he couldn't, he was hungry. Finally, after listening to the steps again, he got out of the smelly hay and peeked outside from a crack in the wall. And the man was walking towards him. Shivers ran through his tail as he smelled fresh blood. He froze._

_****_**~~(_^7 _**~~(_^7**_**_****_

The platform was easy to find if you knew where to look. And, even if my father was at home, working, I knew enough about the platform. I was at the express, which would take me to even more lessons. I hated it. It was kind of amazing though. The crowds, the magical families present. It was as if all was good. My trunk was small, I had no pets, and because I was as silent as I could be, no one paid even a glance to me. I don't remember doing it, but I got on and found myself a compartment. It already had a boy in it, so I prepared to greet him adequately, but as I opened my mouth for a simple greeting, I couldn't make a sound. And I think I dropped my trunk, because the next fifteen minutes were spent putting my things back inside. All this time we were silent, moving as if we were not alive.

"Remus", I finally managed.

"Peter?"

He didn't smile. That was weird. He was always smiling. Perhaps I should have noticed the bags under his eyes, or his clothes, which looked a bit creepier than I had seen two years ago, but all I saw was the lack of smile. This Remus was **wrong**. It was not fitting. I didn't know what to do. So I just shook his hand, finally closed the trunk and slid it to the side of our compartment. We listened to the sounds surrounding the train, to the goodbyes everyone were saying, and remembering the lack of those for us. Finally, something clicked in my mind. I managed half a smile:

"Wait here, I have some old unfinished business to attend to."

That was our old code for a bathroom break, but he just nodded at that showing no emotion. I ran off as the train started moving. The plan was simple, and a golden galleon in my pocket agreed wholeheartedly. There is a trolley of sweets in the train, or so my father had told me. And Remus liked Sugar Quills, he always did. And he rarely had some. It should have worked. I carefully ran past a little redhead and a pale greasy haired boy and after a few more seconds my luck ran out, as not only I found myself the trolley but crashed into it. Sweets scattered everywhere, she was looking murderous and I was shaking, having dropped the golden coin somewhere in the collision.

"Boy!"

She tried to start a rant, as nearby compartment doors opened to reveal two heads, both smiling at us. In a few seconds they were roaring with laughter like mad, and I gave in to the merry mood for the first time since my mother. It wasn't even funny, but I don't think I had laughed this much since I was born. The witch, however, looked insulted and waved her wand to put everything back in the trolley.

"Boys, do you want something, or will you move away?"

I stopped laughing and dove in my pocket. The galleon was gone, and I started to panic just as much as I had been merry.

"Well... Yes, I... I'd like... Sugar... Quills... For a friend... But..." I stuttered lamely. The witch still didn't smile:

"How many would you like, or if you'd rather, how much can you..."

"I... Um... Had..."

The messy haired boy stepped to my side:

"I'll take two boxes."

The other one winked and flanked me from the other side putting his hand on my shoulder, adding a bit pompously:

"Make that four, I'm starving."

My two new friends paid for me while I was standing stiff and unmoving.

"James Potter", said one of them handing me one of the packages he now had, "for your friend."

His mate repeated the gesture "Sirius Black. And this one is for you."

I was staring at them mouth agape, hands on two boxes of quills, that I didn't even thank them. They didn't mind.

"You know you can tell us your name?"

"Or we would have to think of one for you ourselves"

"Peter. Peter Pettegrew", I managed, "look, guys, this is much, and if we would look around there should be my coin rolling around here somewhere, and I could, you know, pay you back?"

They exchanged glances at each other behind my head, and then both leaned in closer:

"Haven't you heard us? I'm a Potter and he's a Black, you really don't have to repay us anything. Noble and rich families and all that other nonsense."

"Or, you could consider this as a payment for the show. And what a good view that was. So, what got you running so fast you forgot to steer?"

** _**~~(_^7 _**~~(_^7**_**_ **

_The man slumped near the wall of the barn. The smell of blood was immense, and the rat was getting even more uncomfortable. The man twitched a few times, let out an almost inaudible gasp and stilled. The rat gathered it's courage and got out through the gap and bravely strolled in front of the man. He had bite marks all over his face and arm. But that was not important, as the rat felt something more, something he had felt before and had almost forgotten. It was a terrifying moment, because for that second he remembered again that he was not, in fact a rat. And that made all the guilt come back._

**_**~~(_^7 _**~~(_^7**_**_**

I was struggling in a losing battle against my laughter. So far, I held. I had just returned to Remus compartment and James was with me. We left the door open and as we entered, Potter suddenly stopped.

"Excuse me for asking, but are you by any chance **The** Remus Lupin?" James was gaping open mouthed at Remus, who was starting to feel uncomfortable, but nodded in agreement.

"Incredible", James let out a delighted gasp, "you truly are!", his voice was getting lauder "I am in the same compartment as Remus Lupin, can you believe it?".

The question was directed at me, so I feigned surprise, although there was a hint of inner laughter in the voice, "wait, so that wasn't a joke? You are **The** Lupin? I really have been sharing a compartment with you?" I let my voice turn into a squeak, "oh Merlin, you helped me put my stuff back into the truck?"

Potter turned back to Remus, face completely serious and concerned:

"Messier Lupin, I'm so sorry for my friend here, he apparently has lost his marbles. It can't be that you honoured him this much? Now everyone will be jealous, Messier Lupin having touched his books. Everyone will want to swap!"

Messier Lupin was staring at us as if we were mad.

"Messier Lupin? INCREDIBLE!" Sirius was shouting from the corridor, visible through the open door, his pocket betraying a simmer of silver, his face shining with a smile, "Would you give a signature for me to send to my mother?"

Messier Lupin finally regained a drop of composure, and managed a response:

"What do you mean?"

"Are you not the Messier Lupin, who tickled and then defeated the dragon at mere age of seven? "

Sirius exclaimed, stepping inside and closing the door. Then, James, Sirius and I quickly started shooting questions, one after the other:

"Are you not the Messier Lupin who swam around the British Isles with your hands tied behind your back?"

"Are you not the boy who can do all the spells after seeing them once?"

"Are you not the boy who can fly without a broom or wand?"

"Are you not the youngest animagus on earth?"

"Are you not the Minister of Magic?"

"Have you not been offered the position of Supreme Mugwump this summer?"

"Do you deny having being elected the co-headmaster of Hogwarts?"

"Will you not be teaching us defence against the dark arts?"

"Have you not been on the highest mountains and under the deepest seas?"

And finally we all chorused:

"Are you not the creator of Sugar Quills?"

The compartment was silent, except for muffled sounds from outside.

"None of those" Remus was already smiling, obviously thinking what was the point of all this nonsense, hints of annoyance in his face. I stood up, and pointed behind him.

"I am so sorry, but why do you have all this then?"

Remus jumped and turned around, staring at the wall and the huge, glittering golden letters.

_**"This compartment is reserved for Messier Remus Lupin and his friends"**_

Under the slogan there were multiple of certificates proving everything we accused him off. (Including the "_president of the dragon tickling club_") When he saw the four boxes of Sugar Quills, marked as "_Created and manufactured by Messier Lupin himself_" he turned around, his face an angry scowl, wand in his hand, and roared:

"OUT, you peasants! You are not worthy! You..."

We all broke into uncontrollable fit of laughter. When a prefect came by to check what was happening, Remus stood up and pointed at her accusingly before the ravenclaw even opened had mouth, "you do not have permission to be here – this compartment is for me and my friends", Lupin gestured towards the wall, which was, in fact, agreeing with his words. Prefect opened her mouth, eyes wide as saucers, closed it, glanced at the wall, turned around and left. We were rolling on the floor after that.

**_**~~(_^7 _**~~(_^7**_**_**

_"Where have you seen the lord?"_

_The man groaned in pain._

_"Where?"_

_A groan again._

_"Tell me or I'll let you die. This poison is painful."_

_"East, to the east", the answer finally came._

_The dying eyes were watching in wonder as the small rat ran off. There was no sign of the one who asked questions._

**_**~~(_^7 _**~~(_^7**_**_**

We arrived at the sorting only through our deputy headmistress office. There we were told to report to Filch tomorrow at eight, for painting the wall of our compartment. In hindsight, it was stupid to write Lupins true name on the wall. And McGonagall was quick at finding the friends mentioned. I think we broke the record of receiving detention before even getting sorted. When we finally were waiting to put on an old hat, we held a silent conversation. Remus, a smile never leaving his lips, was complaining:

"You know, I still say that it was your fault, Peter"

"No, it was those two marauders who stole the Quills for us."

"It was you who almost killed the trolley witch."

Sirius, heading towards the hat, stopped, "what did you say?"

McGonagall did not let us repeat anything as she proclaimed, annoyed - "Sirius Black, please hurry".

Our conversation died out. We turned to watch the sorting, which we knew Sirius was not looking for. He sat there, under the hat for fifteen seconds, stretched into minutes for us three, and probably taking hours for him. But then the hat screamed "GRYFFINDOR" and all was well.

Until I had to sit down there.

"Interesting", I heard, while thinking as hard as I could, that I wanted to be with my friends.

"You wouldn't consider Hufflepuff then, would you? No, you probably wouldn't. Slytherin, perhaps? No? Very well, be a GRYFFINDOR"

When we were all enjoying the feast Sirius repeated his question.

"What did you say just before the sorting?"

"Something about almost killing the trolley witch?"

"No, something Peter said?"

"That it was your and James fault we have detention tomorrow."

"No, he had something else too."

James smiled – "He called us marauders, Sirius."

"That's the one – marauder, James, marauders."

"It does have a certain ring to it, but" Remus supplied "it seems a little bit negative, that, stealing from the dead part..."

"No, you see its reverse. We did steal the sadness from ones looking almost dead. It fits."

"I did not look almost dead."

"Remus, we meant Peter."

I dropped my fork, "What?"

"Relax, it's fine, you were yet to rot. And you didn't smell that horribly."

"Shut up, Mr. Black"

"Don't call me that, sounds like my father is behind me."

"Shut up, Sirius", James was grinning like mad, perhaps he even was, "I have a plan. Do you see the slytherin with the greasy hair? I'd say we help him wash his hair, tomorrow at dinner?"

Sirius roared with laughter, I nodded, but Remus looked a bit unsure. I supplied an explanation.

"You know, Remus, it would make everyone smile."

"OK, Peter, I understand. Sirius, James, I'm in."

**_**~~(_^7 _**~~(_^7**_**_**


	2. Wormtail

**Disclaimer:** Rowling does not simply walk into Mordor.

* * *

><p><em>~~(_^7 ~~(_^7 <em>

_There was a snake in the forest. And the rat had no reason to trust the snake. But he did hope to be recognised, as much as he could hope. There was no wind and the forest was still, and even silent. The rat stepped lightly, carefully, and listened for anything._

_There were no dangers._

_Yet._

_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7 ._

My first year at Hogwarts was cheerful and care free. The spells were simple, the essays could be written with Remus help and the slytherins evaded with both carefulness and friends. All in all it was a good year. James got in a few fights with Snape, but we helped him with that. Remus was sick a few times, we all visited him when he was in the hospital wing. Sirius got acquainted with McGonagall's office, and we sometimes accompanied him there, mostly James.

I overheard a few curious words from our headmaster, whom I paid no heed to, until late evening when it all suddenly fell into place, and all sleepiness vanished. So, I was sitting in my bed, the last days before the exams, and was thinking. And finally, I decided to act upon it:

"James?"

"Yes?" a sleepy voice answered.

"Could we check on Remus?"

"What?"

"Could you wake Sirius, and could we check on Remus?"

"Why?"

"The headmaster said something about an empty hospital wing to McGonnagal today and..."

I was rudely interrupted by Black:

"And Remus should be there or here, right, let's go check. The cloak?"

"Here."

Getting into the wing was the hard part. We spent an hour on that and failed miserably. Sirius tried the _alohomora_, James did a spell I forgot the second it did nothing, and Remus wasn't there to help. He would have opened the door, I'm sure of it; he was smarter than me and any one of the other two together.

"It has some kind of alarm in it", Sirius whispered disappointedly, "looks kind of like my father's desk."

James cursed silently.

"Let's go back", I offered.

Sirius nodded. James looked around:

"I'll stay. We go back half of the way, and you return to the common room without the cloak. I will return here and wait for anyone to open the door."

"James?"

"What now?"

"We will stay, you stupid git. Right, Peter?"

I nodded, giving James little choice in the matter.

And wait we did. The most boring hours of my life. I shook James awake twice; Sirius once and they woke me up trice. When the morning came, we were as disappointed as three kids who got almost no sleep could be. But we were rewarded for that. We saw Remus. He was slowly dragging himself supported only by Pomfrey's hand and looking like a mess. His hands were shaking, his eyes darting everywhere. Near the door, when Pomfrey let go of him for a second, to use a password we didn't hear, he almost fell, and swayed sniffing air. His eyes panicked, he looked around, but then Pomfrey dragged him inside and laid him on the first bed on the right. We left, but every one of us thinking different theory. Not a single one of us was right.

Needless to say none of us were very successful in the first exam. Filtwick did not give us any praise and I think even after few days he was still slightly angry at me for that small fire.

In the evening, we did ask Remus about his sickness, and he told that he slept in the hospital wing. Explained that he doesn't remember anything important. And then the nurse said he could go, so he trusted her and listened. We didn't press him further and quickly dropped asleep, even Remus joined us.

We did mention it few times before the express, but Remus dismissed it as unimportant. And we didn't want to estrange him, so we withheld the full confrontation.

_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7 _

_The moon was shining bright, and the forest was alight with silver light. The rat was thankful for that, for otherwise he wouldn't have found an old corpse. The dead body had almost no smell, and was clad in a wizardly fashion. And he had some coins. It was silent still._

_The rat climbed onto the man and looked into his face, finding similar bite marks. He shuddered and decided to try again later. He did not wish to deal with all that now, he was too scared._

_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7 _

My father was not very happy to see me. He had gotten the idea that I should have tried for better marks, called my charms grade a disgrace and was not for a second interested in anything I said. As soon as I started to tell him about meeting Remus Lupin on the train and that I was his friend, he explained to me that he would have liked a friend with a better social standing and that it was a mistake being friends with someone form the Lupin family. Mostly due to its decline in both social and monetary standings.

I got angry with his attitude, thus I never told him about James or Sirius, of which he would have had to approve them both. Noble and rich families and all **that**. So I kept everything to myself.

It was neither a happy nor a beautiful summer, a few owls with letters from friends and a single quite mysterious line brought by Sirius' owl:

"**I know Remus' problem, will talk on the train."**

It was quite hard to wait for that, and time runs slow when you are living as a disappointment. I did want to find strength in myself to scream at my father "It is not my fault my mother died!" But I couldn't. So, I waited, waited and waited. Took the summer long enough to pass away.

And after it did, I found myself on the platform, again without my father. This time I was even grateful for that. I started looking for my friends.

"Oh my god, Is that HIM? Peter Pettegrew?"

I turned around to find a smiling Remus.

"You mean the one with the Order of Merlin?" James supplied.

"Shut up", I extended my hand for them both to shake, and looking at James added, "have any of you two seen Sirius?"

"No."

"He's there, talking to his father", Remus slowly inhaled, "looks like a serious conversation."

A loud slap sounded across the platform and after a few seconds Sirius was with us, a red mark on his cheek and eyes glittering with challenge. He forced a smile and shook our hands.

"Let's go and find us a compartment."

We didn't talk about Remus on the train.

Not even during the feast.

_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7 _

_The slithering snake took him only half aware as he was standing near the corpse. He jumped back and rolled up his tattered sleeve and stood back, shivering. The snake stopped and gave him and his mark a stare so long his legs almost didn't hold._

_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7 _

We were in the corner of the common room, Lupin sound asleep in his bed. The shadows were dancing with the small fire in the fireplace and we three were sitting on the floor, aside from the view. I was watching the entrance, Sirius tended the steps to the girls side, and James gave a glance at the stairs of the boy dormitories each handful of seconds.

"So?" James couldn't wait.

"Did you notice that Remus is sick only when there is a full moon?"

I gasped and put a hand on my mouth. James looked full in thought.

"And, have you ever seen him touch any silver?"

James coughed and shook his head, "and he does seem to hear and smell things better than we do..."

My thoughts were racing at the speed of light. If my father found out one of my best friends was... No, I didn't care about my father. What did that mean to me? Should I stop talking to him? Should I be weary? I never remembered anything the books told about them. What if they were even more dangerous than I heard? I looked at James, hoping to see the answer somehow. James was silent.

"You do agree with me, James?"

"Yes."

"Peter?"

I nodded, letting out a frightened squeak, "he really is a werewolf?"

"I am."

The three of us jumped. James got his wand out. Black gestured for him to lower it. In our 'excitement' we forgot to watch the stairs. I was staring open eyed. Remus was standing weakly, defeat and fear in his face, somewhat similar to mine.

"If you want to, I'll stop being friends with you."

My mouth opened out of surprise. This was a creature I feared? No. I didn't fear Remus. He was a friend. He was no creature. I swore to never look up information on werewolves anywhere. I wanted to say that aloud, but James beat me to it, extending his hand for Remus to shake:

"Only if you can't stand my style anymore, mate?"

"Only if you don't want me to pass my classes?" I offered my hand.

"Only if you don't want to associate yourself with a scion of the blackest family there is, **Moony**?"

Needles to say Remus was shocked. With three hands extended to him, he did something we weren't expecting. He hugged us. James was the first one to speak.

"Oi, stop it, your werewolf strength..."

"There is **no **werewolf strength. And what's up with 'moony'?"

"Bloody hell, there isn't. Let me go, and I'll tell you." Black was trying to get away.

When he finally released us, there was a simmer of tears in his eyes. Being boys and all, we didn't even mention it. Ever.

I smiled at him "'Moony' does sound nice."

Sirius put a hand on Remus shoulder "It fits, because you are so absent-minded"

"I'm not..."

"So, what do you have?" James piped in, "There must be some upsides to your..."

Remus supplied. "...furry little problem."

We all laughed at that.

"There isn't much." He was a bit embarrassed, but kept talking, "for example, your secret meeting was too loud providing you wanted to exclude me. And it's even better a few days before the full moon. "

"You heard us all the way up in the dorm?"

"No, I heard you get up and leave."

"Anything else?" James looked very curious.

"Meat tastes really good."

I shuddered.

"Animal meat, not human!" Remus was staring at me.

I nodded, and managed another smile flashing my teeth.

"So, you won't eat Peter one night?"

Sometimes I really hate Sirius Black.

"Not even a bite?"

And James Potter.

"Well..."

And Remus Lupin. A tiny bit.

_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7 _

_The snake slithered north, slowly, but with a scary certainty. He was following, wand in hand, removing branches and bushes which constantly got into his face, hair and clothes. His bruises were beyond count, and he was always weary of the snake. Finally, the snake led him to a small clearing. He wanted to live. His worthless life._

_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7 _

Lupin was having his 'furry little problem', and all three of us weren't sleeping. We couldn't, knowing the pain he was in was immense. I said us much.

"It must be horrible, to spend the night alone, in pain..."

"Peter, you are a genius!"

Sirius looked at Potter, raising an eyebrow.

"I don't see it."

"There must be a way for us to be with him. To show our support."

"What?" a thought of spending the night with a werewolf was too scary for me to even consider. But somehow those two did. And I knew I couldn't back up without being teased forever. So, I asked the question, which I regretted the second it got out – "How?"

"No idea, but let's find out." James took out his Cloak, and got up – "To the library."

Black groaned.

The library was silent. It always is, even in the middle of the night. Black, albeit reluctantly, was leading the search. I was trying to ignore any open books, and was holding the light so that it partially blinded me. It was my conviction to never to study werewolves so I didn't.

"Look, here – **seeks humans in preference to any other prey**. What now?"

I really didn't need to know that.

James scratched his head. "Is there anything they wouldn't? Or, say a shampoo you could wash your hair with to smell like a wolf, or something else?"

"You could let him bite you. It would help turning into the wolf quite easily."

"That's it!" James looked ecstatic, "Like McGonagall."

I almost dropped the lantern, "You thing McGonagall is a...?"

"No, look, turning into something else and McGonagall. Does that give you an idea?"

Sirius eyes suddenly shone with delight, "A great, illegal idea. Let's look there" and he pointed at the forbidden section.

"I don't get it."

"Peter, Peter, Peter, do you even listen during your transfiguration lessons?"

"Sometimes?"

"Animagi", James breathed.

In my defence, they were only mentioned. Briefly. You couldn't expect to remember anything, except if you were Remus. Or had James' talent for transfiguration.

"It looks complicated" Sirius was already reading the messy dark book on transfiguration, "and this doesn't look like it goes into details."

"Won't it be dangerous?"

"Peter, look, don't be afraid, we will be there for you."

"Yeah," James was leaning towards the rusty pages in Sirius' hand "look, here, it's about becoming an animal. Not appearing to be, but truly becoming one. And werewolves never hunt other animals. I think."

Sirius smirked at me "see, harmless and safe. You in?"

"Alright."

Why did it feel like we could pull it off? I checked with myself. This was not finding out about werewolves. It was kind of separate. I could probably be learning that. Even if it was loads of work. And being near a transformed one was so far away I decided to leave that problem for the future.

_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7 _

_The clearing was not as empty as he would have liked._

"_**Welcome...**__"_

_He twitched and let out a squeak as if in pain. _

"_**Wormtail...**__"_

_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7 _

Lupin was curiously looking at the little box we had, "what is that?"

"Nothing"

Moony ignored my muttering, and turned to James. James was as silent as he could be. Sirius nicked the box from me and hid it under his bed.

"You'd better not be thinking a new prank already. McGonagall is still furious about the one with slytherins' hair last week."

James chuckled "Admit it, you liked every second of it."

"And the green letters **Slytherins' Hair is coming**, were a nice touch, Moony."

"It was **your** stupid idea of a joke, Sirius. And don't think I didn't see you hide the box."

"What box?" I tried.

Lupin rolled his eyes. I chuckled.

"Fine. I give up. Just don't make McGonagall kill you. Or call me for the fun. Look, I'm going to revise something down in the common room, if you need me."

After that he left. I felt somewhat bad, and voiced it out loud.

"Do you think we hurt him?"

"It will be alright. If Slughorn doesn't notice he's missing something."

"Do you think we will make it?" I wasn't finished with my doubts.

"It's just another week. Look, we will prepare the bits we have, you go talk with Lupin. It will work out."

After running into a prefect and almost falling from the stairs, I ended up in the common room.

"Moony?"

He raised his head from the DADA book.

"Look, I..." I sat down near him and tried again. "Look, we are trying something. It will not get us in the trouble with McGonagall if you are afraid of that. And we will tell you. Just... a bit later."

He smiled, "Peter, it's nice of you, but you can have your secrets, I don't mind."

"I do. Look, I promised them to keep you in the dark, but if by any chance you find yourself in the third floor corridor, on the next Tuesday night, say, a few minutes before nine in the evening, and just happen to overhear us telling a certain statue of the one-eyed witch a password, I would be powerless to stop you."

"You don't have to do this."

"I never told you must come. And remember, you must hold your wand on the statue for it to work."

"Don't you think James and Sirius will be angry?"

"I'll handle James. Sirius would be delighted."

The week dragged on. We all were waiting for it. The potion was almost ready. I was the one tasked with stirring it seven times each morning, and James and Sirius didn't let me forget that. I think Remus overheard us once, but he just winked to me and ignored James' worried glance to his direction. So, finally we were standing near the statue in question under the cloak. I couldn't see nor hear Remus, but I figured he was there. I felt it. Sirius did the honours:

"_Dissendium_."

The corridor opened and after a small slide we found ourselves our little potions lab. The corridor was not roomy, but we had to make do. Other places where not as safe. Remus didn't follow. Perhaps he had changed his mind. We circled the cauldron, checking the last steps. The potion looked right. We poured it into three glasses in our hands. It was warm, and it smelled faintly of rotten eggs.

"Who wants to go first?"

"Why do you have to be so scared, Peter? We are just brewing an illegal potion after curfew."

James didn't listen and gulped his dose in one go.

"Chike.." he managed, before slumping on the ground. His eyes went white, and his body shook a little. We waited, ready to act if something went wrong. Black had nicked the last bezoar Slughorn had earlier today. We hoped we wouldn't have to use it. Horace would miss it in a few days.

After a minute we were hardly keeping our nerves intact. After two, James started breathing as if he was running somewhere. After three, his eyes opened and he jumped, looking around and apparently not understanding where he was. It took him ten long seconds to regain his composure. And then, he shouted almost at the top of his lungs:

"I'm a stag!"

"Shh!" Black hissed "good for you, mister pride, but we would too like a try before a stray professor finds us."

"But I'm a stag."

"And at first you said you were a chicken... You are so loud they can hear you in Hogsmeade. Now shut up, it should be my..."

I did the foolish thing and drank the dose as they were talking. I could swear I heard somebody with Remus' voice say the password to the witch, but I might have been mistaken. I plunged into nothingness.

It was a strange experience. Being a rat. Perhaps I should have felt some disappointment; perhaps I should have been observing myself more closely, but after a first few seconds I fully lost myself to the rat. Hell, I **was** a rat! And it's not as anyone could imagine. The whiskers, the tail, the hair, all was and felt natural. I had incredibly strong teeth and was running through a damp corridor, taking in the smells, tastes and thoughts. The thoughts were a lot simpler_. Hunger. Fear. Elation_. There was no need to worry, no need to think about any problems I had. The corridor smelled of a hiding place. I was running at full speed, water splashing to the sides. I found the exit, and entered the old, dark forest. It was foggy and my _Fear_ leaped at me. I sniffed the air, let out a horrified squeak and turned around to find refuge in the tunnel. Some kind of argument was sounding like thunder inside. There wasn't before. I didn't recognise any words. I stopped and tried to decide which way was the right one or if I could just hide here somewhere.

When I was yanked back to reality it took me a few seconds to sort myself.

"I'm a rat."

"Did you have a tail?"

I blinked at Remus.

"Did it look like a worm?"

I turned to see a cheerful Sirius.

"You were squeaking, **Wormtail**. And you did rat us out to Moony."

I opened my mouth, closed it and opened it again. James was slightly angry.

"Wormtail?" I squeaked, "What?"

Sirius was drinking his dose and ignoring me.

James grinned and nodded:

"Welcome..."

Remus smiled and patted me on the back:

"Wormtail..."


	3. Feelings of Fear

**Disclaimer:** I can has Rowling?

* * *

><p><em>~~(_^7 ~~(_^7 <em>

"_My Lord..." a short man squeaked "I have been trying to locate you..."_

"_**Do not lie to me.**__" The voice was cold and unsettling._

_Silence fell for a few moments. He bowed, fear visible in his eyes. Then, deciding it was not enough, he dropped onto his knees:_

"_My Lord, I have been trying as much as I can. I have been asking rats, following any trails and rumours..."_

"_**Stop**__. __**Now, listen. This is what you must do first...**__"_

_His master was week. But the Dark Lord would be strong again, he would live and kill again. So he listened and obeyed._

_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7 _

"So, explain me this, Wormtail, we know that you are absolutely horrendous with your wand work in class, but when 'Prongs' tells you to do something, you listen to him and try it?"

"I'm sorry?" I was looking at Sirius and trying to smile.

"Prongs?" Moony smiled.

"Guys, just shut up and listen", 'Prongs' was visibly worried. "I have a quidditch mach in two hours."

"I'm sorry," I tried again.

"Besides, antlers fit you like a charm."

"Shut up, Black. And Wormtail?"

"Yes?"

"If Lily sees me this way, you are going to spend years in a cage. If you can ever manage to transform anything beside the tail."

Moony started cracking up.

Black waved, looking behind us "Hello, Evans."

James jumped like we never expected he could, saw a still empty classroom. Red in the face he did the only thing he could, as Lupin was holding his wand. He stabbed Black in the side. With antlers. He almost broke his neck.

When a furious James finally made it to the pitch, the game was already underway.

"I'm sorry."

Black was silent.

"I said I'm sorry"

Black harrumphed.

"Sirius, he is really sorry" I tried to help.

Remus nodded, standing alongside me. Black was ignoring us all.

"Please?" Prongs was getting desperate. "For the love of Merlin, Sirius, I'll give you anything, just forgive me..."

Black, still angry, silently looked him into the eyes. "Your cloak."

"What?"

"Give me your cloak."

"It was not **that** bad, was it?"

"You left me in the hospital wing alone and went to play the stupid game. And you couldn't even win us that match. Your cloak, Prongs."

James gulped, and looked around for Pomfrey. Then he took it out and sighed – "here."

"But it's you family heirloom?" Remus and I were staring open mouthed.

Sirius too was agape.

"You are like a brother to me. Take it." And James pushed the cloak into his hands.

"Prongs" he smiled "I was kidding."

"I am not."

"Good. Now take it back. Quickly."

_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7 _

_The rat was hidden near the small wayside inn near the forest. His whiskers and eyes shone through the gap in the wall, and he was carefully looking around. Nothing seemed out of place._

_After a few seconds, the wizard entered through the back door. There were few things stored in the back and it was essential for him to get these to his master. It was an easy task._

_It took him most of the hour to pack everything in the bag._

_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7 _

"Peter?"

I turned around.

"Do you think you will make it until the weekend?"

"I'll try..."

Remus, currently reading some school book, smiled. I already knew that we were in his hearing distance, but we tried pretending he was too far to hear. I looked back at Sirius:

"Padfoot, I think you should try even if I do not make it."

"No, we will try it only together. And I told you, 'Padfoot' sounds a little too childish."

"But you do have padded feet," James was looking past us, probably at Evans, because his voice felt somewhat distant.

"Couldn't it be something more, I do not know, intimidating? I think 'Grim' sounds scary enough."

"Padfoot, my dear friend," I began as James became more and more unavailable for conversation, "you cannot choose your own name. Do you think I like the name Wormtail that much?"

Remus was cracking up. This earned him a few concerned glances from the other griffindoors.

"But it lacks something, something that makes me into me..."

"Look, dear Padfoot, just shut up and deal with this seriously."

He groaned.

"Let's borrow Prongs cloak while he's occupied and you'll give me a few pointers."

He groaned again, but stood up.

"Prongs, we are going to take the cloak."

"Good."

"And leave you here."

"Good."

"For two days."

"Good."

We shared glances.

"And you will do our assignments for the week for us?"

"Alright..."

"And you'll walk to the dinner naked today?"

"Al... Wait, what?"

Remus fell out of his chair.

"Padfoot asked you if you could give us the cloak for a few hours."

"Ok, why didn't you just say so?"

"Prongs..." Sirius' voice was full of disappointment "you're still not here, are you?"

And the two of us left for the stairs, leaving him with a dumb look on his face.

Perhaps it was a jolly mood, and perhaps Padfoot outdid himself when explaining it, but I finally managed to transform completely.

And here I was standing as a rat, while a black dog was sniffing me curiously. It was a strange experience, not what I had remembered from drinking the potion, but similar. My thoughts were my own, only somewhat clouded. I still was in control, feeling myself as part of the rat. I was brought back when Padfoot took out its big wet tongue and tried to lick me. I jumped back as fast as I could and reverted back.

"Ew, don't even try that again."

"Or?"

Black was on his two feet again.

"Or, I'll stop being friends with you."

He tried to look insulted and proud, "like anyone needs a friend like you."

"You would be lost without me."

"You do know I'm never admitting that?"

I nodded.

"Good, we're on the same page. Now try that again a few times, and we'll go tell Moony we are ready. And by 'we', I mean that I get to tell him that we are ready."

"And what do I do?"

"Watch in awe. And bring James."

After an hour, we four were the last four still in the common room. Lupin and James were in the middle of a small chess game, and we two had just arrived. Sirius climbed on a tabled and cleared his throat, looking at us three, mostly at Remus:

"Mister Padfoot would like to make an announcement for Mr. Moony, and would like him to stop moving the stupid peaces and look straight. Mr. Padfoot declares this moment as of great importance for Messieurs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs as this moment in time marks the beginning of the legend they will make."

It was slightly unexpected and sounded a bit weird, but Remus got the gist of it:

"Mister Moony would like to express his thanks for Mr. Padfoot, but would also like to clarify why this exact moment is of importance."

"If Mr. Moony wouldn't have interrupted Mr. Padfoot, he would have realised that Mr. Padfoot has just figured out what was needed for all the names."

"Mister Prongs would like to express his astonishment that Mr. Padfoot agreed to use the name Padfoot in the end."

"Mr. Padfoot accepts your astonishment."

"Mister Wormtail is exited to notice that the honorific is indeed a quite fine touch by Mr. Padfoot and is also delighted that he finally accepted his name."

"Mr. Moony is happy that both Messrs Wormtail and Padfoot found their names fitting."

"Mr. Padfoot advises Mr. Moony to go to sleep."

"Mr. Prongs points out that this is a great idea and that the full moon is soon."

"Mr. Moony asks why did Mr. Prongs have to go and ruin the mood."

"Mr. Wormtail agrees and wonders how long he could keep talking like that."

"Mr. Prongs thinks it could be forever."

We got bored of it after an hour and a half.

For a time.

_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7 _

"_Peter?"_

_The man jumped in surprise and turned around. He cursed silently, his brain looking for a way out. Finding none, he gave up to the flow:_

"_Bertha? How good to see you, how long has it been?"_

_He clutched his bag tighter and his hand slowly found his wand._

"_You are alive..."_

"_Yes, Bertha, I am. Now, please, listen to me, I need your help."_

"_But..."_

"_Listen, Bertha, I would really like to speak with you, but this is not the place."_

"_Why?"_

"_Seriously, Bertha, why do you think? I am on a secret assignment. For the Ministry."_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_Look, let's just go outside. Someone might be listening..."_

"_But you'll have to tell me everything."_

"_I will."_

_They left through the front door. No one else paid heed to the man. He silently was leading her into the forest. She followed, a bit confused. They both were silent for a few minutes._

"_Where are you leading me?"_

"_I need to find a safer place."_

"_Why?"_

"_So that we are not overheard."_

"_Peter, __**who**__ are you running from?" Her voice was concerned "Why are we here?"_

"Incarcerous_," his voice trembled "I'm running from myself, Bertha, and we are here so I wouldn't have to bring you all the way._ Levicorpus._"_

_He gestured his wand to slowly hover her away, even deeper in to the forest._

_There, in the landing, his Lord was waiting._

_He hoped that the Dark Lord would appreciate his efforts._

_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7 _

We were magnificent, I am sure of it. A stag, a hound, a rat and a wolf, we were strolling through the moonlit cold forest. We were free and bound together at the same time. The werewolf was not scary when I was a rat. I somehow understood his intentions, I even felt safe. Prongs was guarding the left side, Padfoot was on the right, and I was everywhere. Moony was an enigma. He was here but at the same time it felt that our band of four had an additional member. The inner werewolf, the beast that took over our Moony, ran alongside us. There were signs of the inner struggle we all noted. His eyes had a look of comprehension we thought was impossible. Sometimes his eyes glittered as if the savage tried to get out. Moony fought him and brought himself out. It gave me shivers. At least he did respond to our guidance. Otherwise I wouldn't even go near him.

The forest felt empty. As if everyone knew we were there. As if the werewolf frightened the beasts and other 'marvels' of the forest. I, for one, was extremely grateful for that, even though Black looked like he wouldn't mind a challenge or a fight. We found footprints in the snow, played in the wind, but never found any danger.

When we returned from our first trip, we decided to never skip a full moon. Even on summer. Never. Remus was ecstatic. We were happy for him. And we were possibly the youngest animagi ever. That was an accomplishment we could be proud of but couldn't brag about. It took us two years, but it was worth the effort.

And the best part was that no one beside us knew.

_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7 _

"_My Lord, I have brought you a gift."_

_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7 _

I was sleeping in the old, unused classroom, waiting. _He was somewhat distant and less aware_.

The classroom was empty and _silent_. It was quite a bore to wait for someone to come, but it had to be done. We knew that somewhere here there was a secret passage and professors knew about this one. It was just a matter of time when we caught McGonagall using it.

We had to hear the password and that meant that one of us was here most of the time. This day was my shift, as I had no electives this afternoon.

There really should have been another, more efficient way to find out, but we were yet unsure what that could have been. Moony was spending more time than usual in the library, researching any means of detection and observation. Padfoot, however, was set on making an imprint and all his time was spent looking for a way to make the parchment talk back. His idea was to glue a speaking parchment somewhere with the permanent sticking charms, perhaps in the hidden corner of the common room and leave a legacy of us. Prongs was on the idea and although lacking the enthusiasm Padfoot showed, had a few ideas what the parchment could hide. I for one was interested more in mapping out the school and had a rough outline with the corridors and passageways. Was it a surprise that it fell down to me to physically scout the castle?

_Someone was coming._

McGonagall.

I moved my whiskers from excitement. And she didn't disappoint. All that was needed for this passage, was a simple tap of the wand to the little crack in the wall. After she disappeared from the view, I transformed, took out a piece of parchment in the pocket, scribbled down "tap wand on little crack", put it back and followed through as a rat.

After exiting from the other side, quite near the Headmaster office, I ran into Mrs. Norris. That was the cat I hated with all my heart. _He was afraid_. I ran as quick as I could, my little rat heart beating from _Fear_. My squeaks sounded loudly through the corridors, and I ran past McGonagall, which warmly smiled at the cat giving chase. I begged Merlin that she wouldn't help Filch's hellcat.

I was saved by none other but Lily Evans. Prongs would have been jealous. She was holding a conversation on potions with Snivellus, but when they saw me, she kneed down and snatched me up, only seconds before Mrs. Norris got me.

"And whose little lost rat might you be?"

I squeaked something, thinking how fortunate it was that I wasn't a smelly sewer rat and that there were a few students having pet rats. Else I probably would have been left alone.

Evans looked around seeing none I could belong to.

"Sev, do you know anyone whose it could be?"

"Does it matter?"

"Sev..."

"I don't know."

"Severus," there came a shout from behind us, "we need to talk."

"Avery?"

Evans looked at both boys and turned to walk away, "I'll meet up with you later, **Severus**."

Snivellus looked as if he had been slapped, but Avery grabbed his hand and pulled him aside.

Lily was carrying me gently, towards the Gryffindor common room, her face filled with disappointment. She stroked my back, absently.

"I think I have seen you with Remus once... I'll ask him first, alright?"

I didn't react at all. She didn't mind.

"I hope you are not James'... He is just so much annoying... Always somewhere around the corner... And the things they do to Sev."

I stilled a little, listening to her.

"I wish they would leave him alone. Then, he wouldn't have these new friends, he would be different... Avery wouldn't be finding him. We would speak about something; learn for O.W.L.'s... he could show me any new spells he made. He said he had a funny one called **levicorpus**... And now he's with that Avery, a very bad friend to have..."

Her voice trailed off, she was still stroking my back and I was trying to remember the spell. As it always was, something funny for us meant pain for Snivellus, and something funny for him...

We ran into Padfoot.

"Hey, Lily Flower, have you seen James?"

"No, Black, go away."

He saw me in her hands, looking at him. He laughed.

"What is it now, Black?"

"You are so angry at me, and I just mentioned James. I hope you don't run into him today." He made a pause and took out a sugar quill from his pocket. "By the way, what are you doing with our little Scrabs?"

"What are you talking about, Black?"

Sirius took a bite of the quill "the rat. James found him in the castle and tried to teach him a few tricks. We figure it lives in Hogwarts. Not a very bright rat, but certainly does have a few tricks here and there. As I imagine you will be looking for James to give him his Scrabs back, would you mind me accompanying you to the common room?"

She pushed me into his hands as if I was poisonous.

"You know, you can give your Scrabs back to him yourself. I have something to do in the library."

Sirius sniggered as she turned around, slightly furious and left.

"See, Wormtail, that was easy."

Round the corner I reverted back.

"Scrabs?"

"She has heard Wormtail. And anything else I could think right of the rat was either Worm or Scraps."

"Thanks, Padfoot..." I groaned. "You were looking for Prongs?"

"Yeah, let's go to the common room. You see I have found the enchantments necessary. We can record some jokes and insults."

"And some secrets, left for those worthy. You know, it would be good if the plans I have were hidden under a password."

Sirius started running after that.

"Padfoot?"

As he ignored me, I had to run after him.

"Wait!"

A minute or five were spent running frantically through the staircases.

"Wormtail is a genius!" he screamed as soon as he saw Remus and James near the fire.

We all hurdled together. Padfoot had new ideas every month. Half of them were worthy of attention, and we figured this one was one of those.

"We'll make a map."

Moony grinned like his birthday had come:

"And I figured how we can track **everyone**."

We all started making plans.

_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7 _

"_**Wormtail, you have done well**__."_

"_My Lord..."_

"_**We are going back to England**__."_

_He shuddered out of fear. But, he feared his master more._

"_Yes, my Lord."_

_Her body was motionless, empty eyes staring at the stars._

"_**Nagini.**__" A slow, long hiss from bellow, sending shivers down his spine. "__**Dinner**__."_

_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7 _

The tenth question hit me like a train.

Moony was my friend. Moony was kind. Moony was smart. Moony was harmless. Moony was a Werewolf.

I stopped for a breath and started answering other questions. Easier ones, harder ones. I was never such a scholar like Remus. I never had such talent as James or Sirius. But I would try my best. Even if it was only 'Acceptable' I could scrape. Remus would get an O. I had even made a bet with Frank on that.

Finally, I returned to the question. It should have been really easy to answer that. But I never paid attention to Moony that much.

"Quills down, please."

We left quite quickly after that.

Sirius did not let the question ten stay forgotten.

Moony cracked a joke I half listened to.

I explained the few things I got right and was berated by James.

I needed to forget that. Remus was my friend, I was not afraid of him. I wished that was true. I was not a very good liar to everyone else, but I was a great liar when it came to lying to myself. I truly did not understand why I did have that fear. As Prongs pointed out we really did run with a werewolf every month. And I was still afraid. Sometimes less, sometimes more...

I latched onto the chance Prongs gave me:

"Where'd you get that?"

"Nicked it," his reply was casual, and he started to play the seeker on the ground. I was in awe. James was a great guy, the perfect chaser, and he had reflexes that could make any seeker jealous. He caught the golden thing like a hundred times over and over again. I even applauded a few of his better catches.

"...Before Wormtail wets himself with excitement."

I felt a little ashamed.

Why couldn't I be more like James? Or even Sirius?

I couldn't find strength inside. My inner world was one of the rat's and that didn't go well with courage I was supposed to have as a griffindoor. There was no outer force to shape me, except my three friends and I feared one of them.

We noticed Snivellus.

James went to have his fun.

It wasn't **that** fun in the end.

But we still laughed.

Cruelty was something we all had.

It did take my mind of werewolves though.


	4. Willingly and Gladly

**Disclaimer:** Jooooaaanneee... Roowliiing!

* * *

><p><em>~~(_^7 ~~(_^7 <em>

"_**Your devotion is nothing more than cowardice. You would not be here if you had anywhere else to go.**__"_

_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7 _

I remember when the world turned on me. It was not very sudden, so, perhaps I could have been more weary. But my father and I have always been on the similar terms, and when a summer before my last year came, I did not expert... We were just talking. A simple thing for many, but a difficult one for us. My father always talked to me with a sprinkle of disgust, which always hurt me more than I showed him. And the conversation we carried was simple enough. He was asking me of my future plans. I mentioned that becoming an Auror was one possibility and a simple deskwork was the other, he called me a good for nothing child, who couldn't even associate with the right company.

I laughed at his face with my squeakish laughter. When he asked why I was being so cheeky, i explained to him, that I was planning to apply together with James Potter and Sirius Black. His eyes went wider as he asked to repeat what he had just heard. I happily obliged. He choked.

I had never told him about anyone other than Remus. When I had to speak of Hogwarts I intentionally started sentences by mentioning Lupin and that made him stop questioning or paying attention. Now, I had just let my thoughts slip and my father was staring at me in wonder. And then he hit me.

It was a mean punch and it stroke true, bruising and bloodying my face. He called me a liar, he grabbed his wand, but I was standing before him with mine drawn. I never could cast spells in a rapid succession, but I was proud of my draw.

"Look, **my dearest father**, I might not be as quick as James or as crazy as Sirius or as smart as Remus, but I am of age and I do know a few spells to be deadly. You do not stand a chance. Throw your wand down."

Almost as if having been hit with a stunner, he rolled his eyes and put his wand on the table nearby.

"Fine. Leave." His voice was calm, metallic.

I was hurled out to the street in a few minutes I do not even remember. _he felt Anger. Regret._ I was standing there, outside the house I never liked, the house in which I had never found love. _At first, his Fear was winning_. After a few chaotic moments I considered everything anew. I had a trunk half full of my things, a pouch of money, half of which I had nicked from my father's desk, and not a single drop of water or bite of food...

I didn't manage a full inventory on what I had taken, and what I forgot, when I heard the intimidating hum of the wards. Wand in hand I started backtracking nearer to the street, but it was in vain. The wand I held was serving as a nuisance rather than asset, because it was recognized as aggression against the wards.

And that hurt.

A lot.

The lightning crackled on my skin, blackening a few spots in an instance. The force which threw me back made me hit the nearby tree with my back. My skin tore in a few places as if it was stretched by unseen and unrelenting hands. My scream tore through the neighbourhood. My back pressed to the same tree I was unceremoniously thrown into, blood leaking on the ground I was attempting some healing magic. I never was great at it, but at least I wasn't horrible either.

It was a while until I could move away. I figured the dearest father of mine throught it would be fun to exclude me from wards. _He would make the bastard pay._

I ran through my friends in my head and chose one. My apparition was hasty, but successful. After a few knocks on the door it was opened.

"Wormtail?"

Instead of greeting Moony, my body somehow decided to throw up on his shoes.

"What happened? Death Eaters?" Remus was already dragging me inside. "You should have used your mirror. Was there no time?"

I managed a weak smile, remembering the sound of my father throwing it on the floor while I was nicking his money in the other room. "It broke."

_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7 _

_He was looking at the estate in view, examining the wards for the third time. Finally, he drew a breath and waved his wand a few times. The wards simmered a little and one of them gave way. It was a silent frizzle, but he still stilled and waited for a few moments before continuing his checks._

_Only after he made sure the only dangerous ward to him was disabled, he transformed into the rat. The rat raced through the grass fields and up to the small estate. The wards let him pass, he was just a rat. He was looking for the owner. It took him a good hour to find out that he was in the study. He ran under the desk and unnoticed transformed back. Still unnoticed he took out his wand and pointed it at Crouch __**senior**__._

_"_Imperio_."_

_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7_

Remus did not understand me. He was cursed, looked down on, but never by his parents, who were trying for his sake as much as they could. Interestingly, it was the least serious of us all that understood my situation. Padfoot had already escaped his hellhole of a home and was living at the Potters. We were alike in that. But when he tried to speak to me about it, I apologised and changed the subject. It took but a few words to understand. It was similar, but very different. Sirius was waging a war against his mother and father for every day he was there. We all knew that he would run away someday. For me it was only tension, and the build up which exploded violently one day. I was not prepared to join Sirius with his parent bashing talks. I had no capacity for screaming my disappointment outside. It was a pain I thought I had to handle myself.

Perhaps that wasn't the brightest thing to do.

Thus I ended crashing at the Lupins for the last two weeks of summer. I would have liked to live with the Potters more, as his family had not enough to help me without harming themselves. With Padfoot already living off Potters I thought it would have been too rude of me to impose more.

I never understood why Moony never took money from us. I was not that well of, but both Sirius and James were filthy rich. Perhaps it was some kind of self worth his whole family had, which outshone the raw wealth.

I had none of that. I had one purpose in mind – living. It hurt me to see myself damaging my friends family, but I was sure I would find a way to live. So I quietened my conscience and regrets.

The Hogwarts Express met me, still full with doubts. Hogwarts was a fortress from the outer world, but it was influencing us. And the war was raging. We all entered our last year changed. It was probably because of the world outside. It is the way of the war, the way of the life. People change forever.

Remus was a lot quieter, always within himself. He was a prefect but he took to performing his duties absentmindedly. We figured he was more afraid of his secret leaking out. People were scared of werewolves, as it was rumoured that the Dark Lord had them under his wing. The name of Fenrir Greyback was often heard and whispers were told of his and other werewolf cruelty.

James was more of an adult. But that was because of Evans, so it was understandable. He was so much more mature, that we didn't even get surprised when he got his Head Boy letter. It was fitting.

Sirius didn't change, or at least tried to look like he didn't. He was somewhat more careful, a bit jumpy. He even tried to talk with his brother once or twice. No one knew what about.

Evans stated talking to us. Not that she ignored us at any point, but she did like the changes James brought to himself. Only Sirius was threading a dangerous road near her. But she took a liking to him in the end. Of course, our Prongs was the most likable to her now.

I was scared. I do not know if the war changed me of if my nature was speaking to me. I realized, that the final year was exactly that – _final_. And the war was raging outside, outside of the hundreds of ancient wards, outside the reach of Albus Dumbledore. It was meant to catch up with us. It was a horrifying thought. Whose wards would save me after this year?

_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7 _

_His eye was the most dangerous part of the mission. Even with two of them, he was a force to be reckoned with. The rat, as planned, was the best surprise for the former Auror. It was still a violent and loud confrontation, waking everyone up._

_When the rat was already crouched in the corner, his partner was talking to Arthur. A similar face and voice. But the rat did not care. He was doing his Lords bidding. Staying alive._

_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7_

When James told us about him wanting to join the Order of Phoenix, I was gobsmacked.

"Isn't it dangerous?" I was shivering.

Sirius laughed. "Scared, Wormtail? And I thought we made a man out of you."

Moony was sharing my doubts. "You don't think Lily will oppose you, Prongs?"

"It was her idea. We have to do something to survive."

Yes, we had. I had. Could I?

"Look, Prongs, I promise you to think about it." I owed him at least that much.

"Would they even want to see a werewolf with them?"

"You know we should all join. And it is Albus Dumbledore we are talking about. You know him, Moony; he's the one who let you study here." Sirius was smirking. "And the one who let me stay after tricking Snivellus..." He felt silent, realising who he was telling what and gulped.

Remus stood up and started pacing around. "I'll think about it." He looked at Padfoot with an expression of hurt.

"Sorry." At least Black had the decency to take the blame for his mistake.

"Let's talk on this after we graduate. It's a few weeks anyway"

For the next whole week I was thinking of my choices. It was a hard decision and I the only place my mind could rest was as a rat in some corner. When others asked where I was gone to, I told them I was looking into where Filch had put our Map.

And there I was, my feelings under control, my thoughts on the smells and tastes, roaming the castle, when I noticed Moony sitting alone. His face had an expression he had when pretending not to listen. I looked around and there it was, Avery was talking to someone I couldn't see from there. I went closer.

"...and Fenrir just bit him in the back. The poor little wolf never had a chance."

Laughter.

"And you know how it is, once they get defeated by Greyback, they become extremely loyal..."

"That is called fear, you fool. He rules his pack by fear." The voice was familiar. Snivellus?

"No, it's in their blood. They have to listen to the pack leader; the curse gives them no choice."

"I still wouldn't trust them with anything."

"They are ugly and deformed, but they are useful to us. And who are you to question the Lord?"

I ran.

The rat was losing to the human thoughts.

I managed to dive in a gap near a polished armour and found myself in the small secret corridor.

My thoughts made me transform, so I could grasp everything better. _He did not want to, though._

Remus was my friend.

He could be already defeated by Fenrir.

Moony was my friend.

Didn't he say that he was turned by Fenrir?

He was a little boy then.

But it changed him.

And what if it did? Lupin is our friend.

Does that matter if he is ordered to kill me?

He wouldn't.

What if he **would**?

"Wormtail?" Padfoot broke me from my thoughts. "Have you seen Moony? Are you waiting for someone here?"

"He was that way a few minutes ago." I gestured. "And be careful, Snivellus is nearby."

"Thanks. You know, the day I have to be careful when Snivellus is around, I will eat my socks." He looked at me, at the empty corridor and smiled. "I see. I won't be holding you up. Just don't show her every corridor."

And he left me there, blinking and confused.

_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7 _

_The ritual he was preparing for his lord made him shiver. __Willingly__given__. Every second, when he was alone, it echoed inside his mind. __Willingly__ given. Willingly __taken__. He scratched his arm. Was it worth it? He was willingly alive. _

_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7_

It was a clumsy mistake. I didn't notice the anti disapparition jinx on the area and decided to run in the wrong direction. Hexes were flying above as I ran for cover in the nearby building.

Potter was a bastard.

'You do not have to join the Order, but could you just help me with this one thing?'

Why did I even consider saying 'yes'?

Order was full of phoenix shit.

We were trying to save a few lives, an unfamiliar muggle-born's family. The moment we got there, all hell broke loose. James was with Lily and Sirius, where I was separated from them. Dumbledore told us that it was a relatively safe mission. Sometimes I hated that old man. This time I did so with a flaming passion. How did we get into the trap? Only Remus was not with us, he told us he had something else to do. I was struggling to remember his exact excuse. It seemed important enough at the time.

A green hex soared so near me, I could taste my death in the air. I crashed through the window, transforming mid jump, marauder promises be damned...

The family we were trying to reach lay dead before me. Eyes empty, bodies motionless. Scarred faces and wounded hands. There was a strong smell of blood and piss. My rat nose was not happy. I ran upstairs, just to run into a nightmare alive.

There was a flash of green. A kid, no more than five, fell on the ground. His eyes were open, looking straight at me. The innocence of youth was being quickly replaced by a blank stare. He was dead. And near his small body, near the little plush dragon he had in his hands, there stood the Lord whose name we never dared to mutter.

I was too terrified to move.

The death had chosen that day as the show for me.

If the kid had been bloody, if the kid had looked battered and broken, I probably wouldn't have been as shocked as I was. Its stare was the one that would always flash to me in dreams. It was a testament to the Dark Lords power and his ruthlessness. Perhaps I could have run away. It wouldn't matter. One day, the Lord would find me. And he would kill me as effortlessly as he killed the little kid.

This was the family of the muggle-born who had written a few articles on the Dark Lord. He was trying to oppose the darkness. Lord must have taken it personally. We were lucky to be late. If **he** had been outside when we met the Death Eaters...

The monster, clad in darkness, turned to leave, his red eyes glittering with death. My friends were outside. How could I help them if **he** went outside?

James would have tried to hold him off or even attack, so Lily could escape.

Sirius would have shouted for us to leave to do the same.

Remus would have... What if Lupin did work for Fenrir? He never did mention the conversation we both overheard that evening. Perhaps he was already a spy?

He was.

That meant he was safer than all of us. The Dark Lord was winning. We had no chance. He was too strong.

I gathered all my gryffindor courage and changed back to my human form, already kneeling. My head lowered, eyes darting on the floor. As he turned around, I could hear my heartbeat.

"**What do we have here**?" The dark Lord's voice rang throughout me.

"Wormtail..." It felt as if I was slowly cutting myself to little pieces. "My **Lord**."

"**Rise**." He commanded and I obeyed. "**Worm**...** tail**."

His red eyes tore into mine. I squeaked.

"**Tell me, Wormtail, why should I spare you? Why should you not die today?**"

I could hear the distant enraged shouts of Death Eaters outside. Without their Lord they had lost their prey.

"I would serve you. I would spy for my Lord. I can offer you the Order of Phoenix. My **Lord**, I would be useful for you."

He smiled. I gulped.

"**Your arm**." He touched it with the tip of his wand. "**My mark must be willingly taken**."

I felt the darkness of his magic, the wind of Death.

I embraced it as if meeting an old friend.

"My life is yours, my **Lord**."

Pain surged through me, and I was **his** now.

Forever.

"**Now, Wormtail, you must return to your **_**friends**_**. I will call for you when I need you**."

I bowed to him, and turned back into the rat.

It was a few hours later when we were sitting at the Potters, and I was telling Lily and other marauders how I hid in the house for a few hours, and left after they raised the dark mark in the sky, when Padfoot turned to Moony.

"What do you think, Remus, was that a set up, or a really bad coincidence?"

James was staring at Sirius, Moony was looking at the ceiling, and I was gaping at James. We all had reached the similar conclusion, and Moony had to explain:

"I'm sorry. I should have been there."

"Damn well you should have! We nearly lost Wormtail!"

"Silence!" Lily set us straight rather quickly. "Are you the best friends or not? Shut up and listen to yourselves talk. We got into an ambush and got back safe. That's all that matters. It was dangerous when we agreed to help. It will be even more so in the future. But someone must fight."

We all looked embarrassed as if we were at school, being scolded by McGonagall.

"Look, Moony, I'm sorry." Padfoot extended his hand to shake his. "Let's finish eating, and we'll go to Dumbledore. Prongs, I'm joining with you and Lily Flower. I was sure yesterday, I'm sure today."

"I'm joining too." Remus was a shade nervous. "I won't risk losing my mates again."

"I'm in too." As I finished, James clasped my hand and then Remus':

"You were brave today, Wormtail."

"Next time, don't play so close to deadly curses, alright?" Remus eyes were full of sincerity. "I value all my mates very much."

We were silent for a few minutes, slowly eating the small meal.

Remus was not a spy.

I was.

_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7 _

_The creature was as patient as ugly – incredibly. The other man was walking nervously through the cemetery. It was prepared. The boy would arrive any second. _Prongs' son_. The creature was certain. He was scared, but he obeyed his Lord. _My life was his.

_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7_

Every Death Eater received a gift upon joining.

A gift, meant to test our strength.

Mine was my father.

I killed him.

Gladly.


	5. Full Circle

**Disclaimer:** Please remember to feed the Rowling.

* * *

><p><strong><em>~~(_^7 ~~(_^7<em>**

I didn't revel in things I did, but I always thought I had a good chance to live. If, by some miracle, the Dark Lord were to disappear, I was working with the Order, and even if it came to me revealing the mark, I knew, that James would be merciful. He always was.

But as far as the things were going, my Master would win. And I was one of his treasured servants. I would be left alone, in peace. I only had to endure my Lord for a few moments I was visiting him with my reports or participating in an obligatory meeting and raid. He was pleased with me never showing me to his other servants. I always wore a mask.

Always.

During the Marauder meetings, the mask was invisible, but heavy. I smiled, and laughed, but I always felt that I was betraying my friends. I wished they would see my way. I wished they would still be with me when the Dark Lord won. They were of pure enough blood. Especially Potter and Black. I figured Lupin would be the easiest to persuade.

I even tried that one day.

**_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7_**

It was a peaceful weekend, without a drop of rain, the lazy wind in the fields. People were silent and contemplative. All my four friends were there, Lily smiling sadly and standing nearest to me. James had a hand around her waist; Sirius was whispering something to Remus and standing on my other side.

It was a peaceful funeral.

I didn't know if I still hated my father for all his indifference I suffered.

Perhaps I was just repaying it in his funeral.

I offered no speeches and my friends understood and didn't press it further. My father had deserved it. The silent and peaceful funeral was the most I could do with myself.

When we were leaving the grounds, every step became heavy. My thought were racing. I had put him there. At least he was still with his wife. But he regretted his wife. He ignored me for all my life. He deserved it. I set him free from his stupid way of life. I set him free. Nonsense. I ended him. I imprisoned him in a small box he would never escape from. I killed him. If he had at least offered a smile to me. A small word said for me. He did. He truly cared, just didn't know how to convey it properly. And I just should have spoken with him. He would have understood. I wouldn't have had to kill him. I was a mur...

"...he chosen? He was a pureblood, right?" James was whispering to Lily.

"His former wife was a muggle. Perhaps someone..." Lily was calm, but I could hear doubt and a hint of fear in her voice.

"A death eater might have recognised us. All of us." I piped in, startling them. They thought I wasn't listening. "We have to be careful. All if us."

Remus paled. "He targeted your father, because someone recognised you?"

"Yes." It was not even a lie. "We have to be more careful."

Prongs took Padfoot and Lils, and I went with Remus.

"You really thing we all are in danger?"

"Yes." I managed a weak smile. "We did join the order, what do you expect?"

"I'm just tired, Wormtail." He sure looked the part.

"Why join the order, then?"

"Wormtail, why did you join?" He looked me in the eyes. "Friends must stay together."

"I know, but I mean, are you not afraid of the glances others..."

"There always are glances. They know I am a dark creature. I did not choose that. I never sought out Fenrir as a child. Hell, if I could, I would change everything in heartbeat. I wish they just left me alone."

"But you probably could change something."

He gave me a long stare. "Do you mean to tell me I could turn away from all of this? Peter, I thought you knew me better than this. You, James, Sirius, Lily is all I have. You are the pack I am bound to. I couldn't leave you. I would fight, live or die for you, because that's in my nature."

"Remus" I breathed out, "I never knew... I'm sorry."

**_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7_**

They called me for a visit.

It was different than any other we had, as we all could hear desperation and fear in James voice. I was afraid he lost Lily, or worse – little Harry. We all were there when James presented him proudly as the firstborn of the next marauder generation, and we all knew he was ecstatic with the kid we all loved as our own. In a way that was even true.

James was pacing in his kitchen, Lily was making us tea and we were sitting at the table, looking at Prongs.

"James, out with it already." Sirius was always the bluntest of us.

"We were contacted by Dumbledore." That usually meant bad news. One day Albus even claimed there might be a traitor among us, and James told him that he trust his friends and that the old fool is afraid of shadows. In truth they all were afraid of the possible spy, and for my part I was always feeling guilty that I allowed Remus to be our main suspect. As far as I knew, Remus couldn't decide between me and Sirius. He never truly believed there could be a spy.

"And?" Padfoot was never patient.

"And..." James glanced at Lily while taking his cup of tea. "He gave us even more bad news."

I held to my cup as if it could make everything go away.

"We have to go into hiding."

"All of us?" I squeaked nervously.

"No. Just me, Lils and Harry. Especially Harry."

"Why?" Remus was staring James right in the eyes.

"Look..." James paused for breath, speaking with difficulty. "I trust you. All of you. Sirius, Remus, Peter. Wormtail, Moony, Padfoot. You know that I hated divination. It came to bite me in..."

"James." Lily scolded him gently.

"So, Dumbledore heard a prophecy. It's unclear, but could be about Harry or Neville."

"Alice and Frank," Moony breathed "they were also absent from the last order meeting."

"Yes. We will have to hide. The best we can. And we will need your help."

"What is in the prophecy?" Sirius just didn't know better.

I panicked. If the Dark Lord knew of it. I could lose my friends. My eyes darted for a solution, while James looked as if ready to reveal everything.

"It's _the one..."_

"James, stop." That was the best I could think of. "The more we know..."

Lily stood up, wrapped her arms around James and whispered to his ear.

If Remus head what she said, he didn't give anything away.

"You are right, Peter." She smiled at me. "Thank you."

"It's what friends are for." I hoped it wouldn't cost me my life.

"All this serious talk has made me sick," Padfoot was rising from his seat. "Let's go see the pup."

**_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7_**

"**Crucio.**"

I was hurting everywhere. I wanted to die from the pain, to forget everything and just be left alone. But my Lord was not yet satisfied. He knew. Severus had told him everything. It was the first question he asked me, when I came to report. Did I know of the prophecy. His gaze tearing into me, I nodded, but told him I knew not of the wording. He put me under Cruciatus Curse for a few seconds and order me to relay everything. I was mumbling, saying apologies, trying to escape the inevitable. The second curse shattered all my Gryffindor courage I had left in me. I told him of James fright, of Dumbledore thinking it applied to Harry or Neville. I tried my best to imply that Longbottom was a pureblood and obviously the most important one. At some point the Dark Lord read my mind and saw, that I could have head the prophecy from James.

The pain deceased. I still ached all over, but he had lifted the spell.

"My Lord," I was on the ground, begging for mercy, "I did it to enforce my position at Potters. James is thinking that there might me a spy among us. They couldn't say who it was, but now, when I denied myself the exact prophecy..."

"**They will believe you trustworthy. Pathetic, Wormtail, pathetic.**"

"My Lord, I will be with Potters as much as possible, I will try to find out the whole wording, I will even ask James directly. I will find out where is the Longbottom hiding, Frank is our friend, he will surely trust James with his hideout..."

"**Silence. You will go to the Potters when the chance presents itself. You will relay their location to me as soon as you know of it.**"

"My lord..."

"**Crucio**."

**_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7_**

Padfoot had his hand on my shoulder, he was laughing at the joke he had just told, while I was showing a small smile. I had not that much time. The Dark Lord was not patient and if I knew how to escape his wrath...

"You know, Wormtail, I was thinking."

"Should I be afraid?"

"Do you know the Fidelius Charm?"

"The one Lily told she was researching recently?"

"That's the one. You know that I am to be the Secret Keeper?"

"And?" If that charm works, the Dark Lord would probably kill me. Perhaps not. I was loyal and was bringing him information. He would let me live. Tortured and broken, but I would live. I hope little Harry would live too...

"It's today."

"What?" I squeaked fearfully.

"It's going to be cast today. Let's go."

He apparated us to a house in Godric's Hollow and I almost fell over.

"Padfoot?" James had his wand out and pointed it at us.

"You are a stag, Prongs, and made the map with Remus, Peter and I."

James lowered his wand.

"I feel sick." I hate unannounced apparition. And Padfoot just can't do it any other way.

"Good, that means you are Peter." Lily was looking at us from the doorway, wand in hand.

"So, Padfoot, why did you bring Wormtail here?"

"Mr. Padfoot has a great idea he must tell his associates."

"Sirius." Lily was looking at him with disappointment. "Out with it."

"We switch."

"What?" James was confused.

Lily's gaze was jumping from me to Padfoot. "It might work."

"What?" I jumped afraid of what I would hear next.

"We will switch the secret keepers." If it was possible to get paler, I think I managed that while Lily was talking. "No one would expect that you are our keeper. Sirius seems such an obvious choice."

Think. I needed to think faster. What do I do? If I agree, they are doomed. I could not outrun the Dark Lord. I do not know if I would run. How do I convince them to pick Sirius over me? How do I convince the Lord it was a choice they made? If he get a glimpse of me persuading them to choose Sirius...

"Are you sure?" I tried stalling. "I mean Sirius is the better dueler?"

"Wormtail," Prongs grabbed my shoulders and looked me in the eyes. "I trust you. You were the one who lost your father to him. You are the one who stopped me from telling the prophecy to Remus. You are the one who tries to back away from this. I doubted you once before, but no more. No traitor would back away. I trust you with everything I have. Do this for me. Do this for Lily and Harry."

"Prongs." I breathed out. "Lily..."

She smiled at me.

I managed to smile back, biting back the sorrow and shame. I tried to speak, but couldn't. So I just settled gaping like a fish, until James and Sirius got me in a half hug from both sides.

"I'll do it." I squeaked out.

**_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7_**

Why did I agree? They like me. They are my friends, my family. I could have ran. Perhaps Albus Dumbledore could save me from my fate. Perhaps we could perform the charm again. Remus would agree to be my secret keeper. Only Lily could cast the spell. But I could bring her to a safe house somewhere. Even this shack would work.

I was scurrying around in my rat form, hiding from everything and everyone. The shack I found was abandoned, but for the few bags of grain I could help myself with as a rat. I wasn't starving, but I probably stank. I glanced at the hand watch , ticking in the corner. It was hard understanding thins as a rat, but it looked like I had to go and meet Sirius at my flat. He told me he would check up on me at holidays.

I changed back.

In that instant, a sharp pain pierced my hand.

The mark was burning.

He was summoning me.

There was no way to escape.

For a second I tried to change into the rat again.

I failed.

_He failed. Although he did succeed in some way._

_The man slowly straightened himself, his face in pain, touched the wand tip to his clothes and disapparated as the robes shifted themselves._

_The Lord looked furious, but the man was quick._

"_My Lord, I bring you excellent news." He smiled under his Death Eater mask, seeing a spark of interest appear in the red eyes of the Dark Lord. "The fools have cast the spell I reported about. They chose me as their keeper, because I made them doubt Black. I came as soon as they stopped watching me, My Lord."_

"_**Good, Wormtail, excellent news.**__"_

"_My life is yours, My Lord."_

"_**And you will never forget that**__." The red eyes beamed with determination and elation. "__**You have served me well in this matter and thus you will be rewarded.**__"_

"_My Lord."_

"_**You will accompany me and will witness the proof of my power.**__"_

**_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7_**

_Two figures appeared in Gordic's Hollow on that Halloween. One of them stayed behind, and the other made way inside the house no one else could see._

_He thought about transforming, but didn't. He was listening for a sign from his lord. He heard James shout something. _James_. He heard laughter, a scream of the woman. _Lily_. Silence fell. _Harry was next_. He shifted uncomfortably and he swore heard heard the death spell being cast._

_The house shook, and showered the street with rubble from the hole in the roof. Fidelius charm, was breaking, he could feel it. There were no one to protect, he had _betrayed, _no, he had served his lord so, that the charm didn't hold. The Lord was powerful, his power must have ended the spell._

_He waited for the Lord to come out._

_When the wait became almost unbearable, as the neighbours were starting to notice both the house and the debris, he ran inside._

_The Lord was gone. Vanquished by the child crying in front of him._

Lily had died. James was dead. Sirius would kill me. Remus would tear me into pieces. I would have been branded traitor and killed unceremoniously. I was a traitor. I touched the dark mark, suddenly bleaker and pulsating slightly. Wand tip on my robes turned them back into the rags I was wearing. Soon everyone would understand that the lord is dead. His followers would kill me. My friends would kill me. Only James or Lily would have let me live. They would have understood and let me live in shame for the rest of my life. And they were dead. Their son was in front of me, the only thing remaining from my previous life.

So I decided to run. I touched the boy's forehead with my shaking hands.

"I'm sorry."

And I ran.

**_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7_**

He was chasing me. I tried running faster, but couldn't. So I stopped and turned around. My eyes were full of tears, when he almost slammed into me.

"Sirius."

"Pettegrew." He had me at wand point. I saw death in his eyes.

"You should have been the keeper, Sirius. Why did you escape the responsibility?" I whispered.

He was gobsmacked, his hand started shaking. My wand behind my back I formulated a plan, which was the last chance of mine.

"You could say we both killed them, but..." He admitted silently, gasped for air and continued lauder, in front of muggles. "I will be the one to kill You."

"_Lily and James, Sirius! How could you?" He shouted at Black, casting a spell._

_For the second, the explosion blinded everyone, muggles were thrown back with such a force their bones were shattering. His last chance was marked with a massacre. But he had to do it. He transformed, cutting a finger of._

_Sirius was just standing there watching the scene before him. The street had a hole the size of a car, bodies were scattered everywhere, and nearing the centre you couldn't even tell how many people the parts belonged to. He thought he saw a glimpse of the tail somewhere. Surviving muggles were running away, and he thought he could hear the alarm somewhere in the Ministry of Magic. He lowered his wand and started laughing. He was laughing even as the aurors came to arrest him. He laughed, as life and joy drained from his eyes as his wand was stripped from him. The auror arresting him could have sworn later, that Black was a madman, and head him mutter something about worm and mischief. No innocent man would laugh at a scene they found him in_

_The rat was running away as fast as it could. _My last wand wave killed Peter, destroyed Wormtail, and damned me in my own eyes._ He was lost to the world. Forever. But he lived on. With his worthless life._

**_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7_**

_He lived like a rat, he looked like a rat, he was a rat. Even when he, having an unusual moment of clarity decided to live somewhere as a pet. It was mostly accidental, as he wandered into a small wizarding household with many kids. He feared he might get squished or played to death, but all his masters were good kids. The only danger he ever had were the twin pranksters. They always _reminded _him of_ Padfoot _and _Prongs. _He just shoved those thoughts back to where they came from and went to sleep. He was a good rat. A good pet._

**_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7_**

_The smell was familiar to him. It battered him in sleep, the smell of _Prongs. I was half awake the whole ride. It was in the express. I think even the same apartment where Prongs once glued all its inhabitants to the seats. I was not listening what they were talking about. Only when a dangerous smell found me, and reached towards me, I lashed out with my teeth. They left me alone. I tried to return to the way I was. I tried not to care about what was happening. _And he succeeded for a time._

**_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7_**

_When he heard that Black escaped, _I had troubles _sleeping. I was scared that he would find me easily. Black was heard saying that _I was_ at Hogwarts. _It scared me. _It scared the rat. His life was the only thing he had, but he liked it. Even as a rat, he lived. He was even cared for and looked after. Sometimes he wished that _I would have been born a rat. It would have saved _lots of trouble from happening to him._

_It was a hard year for a rat._

_He ran, hid, even tried to blame the cat for the crimes _I did, as I framed Sirius_._

_The rat was in danger._

**_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7_**

_They were talking about him. He would be found and killed. He tried to run for the last time. Unsuccessfully._

"Well, hello, Peter, Long time, no see."

"S—Sirius… R—Remus…" I squeaked, my voice almost forgotten after all those years. I had to find the way out. I would beg, lie, do anything so they would let me go. So I could turn back and return to shut up the regrets I had. So I lied, begged and pleaded.

I wish I could have died. Died, rather than betray my friends, as **they** would have done for **me**.

But I **couldn't**.

_He __**couldn't**__._

_And he ran away again._

**_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7_**

_His flight brought him to Albania. Dumbledore knew of his form now. He couldn't be safe without his master. And his Lord was alive. He had to find him. His life depended on it._

_He asked the other rats, he travelled by night and slept by day, until he found himself hungry and tired. There was no food to be found and his last meal, a few crumps of bread and a tiny bite meat, was not enough for today. He had to eat more, but it was too dangerous. He was too scared for his life. His worthless life._

**_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7_**

"_**Kill the spare!**__"_

**_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7_**

_The silver hand gripped _my throat_. _

_His own hand._

_He, who always valued life before anything, was _to be killed by my own hand_._

My fate was sealed.

If I could have, I would have laughed at their attempts to save me. He was a son of Prongs. He just had to try.

Perhaps I could have lived my life otherwise.

Perhaps it would have been worth it.

Perhaps it would not hurt as much.

I still do not think I would decide otherwise, but I'm sorry.

Yours, Mr. Wormtail.

**_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7_ _~~(_^7 ~~(_^7_ _~~(_^7 ~~(_^7 _~~(_^7__**

**__The end. __**

** _~~(_^7 ~~(_^7_ **

_Hope you liked it ;D _

_In spirit of thanking, I'll probably answer the first few reviews I receive here. Otherwise you may expect a personal message._

SariPotter: Thanks, this is supposed to be slightly confusing, but I hope It wasn't too much. And I'm from Lithuania if that is of importance.

**_~~(_^7 ~~(_^7_ **


End file.
